Hour 2- well at least I liked all the Aladdin date guys?

Scenes of NYC. Voice overs of phone call. The producers continue to take their aim for a drama Emmy seriously. I fuvking hate this show. 

Kaitlyn decides she needs to talk to someone so they bring in ASHLEY ONION to do her hair?! This is the biggest cluster fuck I have ever seen in my fucking life. I have to say Ashley is actually looking gorg and making sense so good for her. I forgot that she's from NYC so again not a huuuuuge stretch to drag her on and we know Harrison is enamored with her. I do have to say for going to "get her hair done" a messy side braid with a part and a little teased back doesn't seem that fancy. 

So nick is in and for all intents and purposes it seems like she might as well quit now and just pick him. She's clearly more into him than any of these guys she's barely gotten to know. Let's just end this season now and start Ben Z's season as the bachelor early. Also let's pick all Bay Area girls who are normal and cute and employed in real jobs. Everyone knows everyone here that will cause enough drama the producers won't even have to manufacture if. THAT would be a new spin! Cast 25 chick from a 50 mile radius of where thebachelor ACTUALLY lives! Gilroy to SF. Perfect!

Is it bad I'm glad Jared is on this date where she is only at 50%? Not gonna lie I'm not even paying attention to this date. He wrote a poem I hate the fuvking poems. It's a crappy poem to top it off. 

Well we have out first helicopter of the season. You have to think they have either bought a couple or invested in like a "heli-share" to save some money on these things right? 

I've officially opened bottle 2. (Bottle 1 was half empty in my defense) super ECG

Super excited to try this one! Bday gift from my main EY B Jamie!!! I love Sangiovese and this one is lovely! Drinkable and balanced just dry enough to enjoy with my reheated potsticker dinner :)

She has now dragged them on broadway making them dance sing and act. So first they had to battle now they have to perform. I'm over these group dates. Poor JJ must be having a total princess moment missing out on this date. I love country Joe. And Chris the dentist. And that other blonde guy whose name I forgot. This is actually one of my favorite groups of guys. I don't know much about Ben H but he's always given a good vibe. Oh Joshua! That's right! The welder! Of course Princeton Ian can sing. As into her as he is she's not the girl for him. Homie needs to come home to the Bay and join The League app. Pretty sure he would slay on there. 

Awwwww cutie cupcake Chris wins the date! He's a VERY close second to my love Ben Z. Sooooo now the guys just have to watch while they learn their blocking? Lame. Poor Joshua wants to punch hay bales. 

Oh haaaaiiii Chris's chest! Let's be honest no one paid a lot of money for THIS show. Mmmm homies got guns too. Yummy. My lady parts heart Chris. I also just now remember that Kaitlyns "career" is a dance teacher. Chris looks great out there! Kaitlyn just stood there. I'm super into him but I'm not really sure she is. Too bad. He's a real good dude from everything so far. So cute happy to work with any situation good career mature. I sincerely hope he stays that way. But it's the bachelorette so one episode you are awesome the next you are a self serving d-bag. Fingers crossed. 

Geeeeeezzzz her legs are sticks! So they are going on the roof of a building to the New Year's Eve ball. FUN FACT the EY office cafeteria faces the ball it's right next to them. Sooo that's cool :) 

Justin's hair continues to confuse me. Like now it looks fine? Soooo could care less about this nick show down. Also we are clearly going to kick the rose ceremony to the start of the next episode AGAIN cause there no minutes left. 

Seriously?! We are back to Britt and Brady? NO ONE CARES!!!! Blah blah blah blah he didn't take a risk he knew he had an opening with a weakened woman who would HAPPILY take a good looking charming dude who says he wants her. 

Ugh till next week fellows addicts. Hate the player...love the game. Bottoms up

Hour 1- goodbye Clint, hello Nick?

I'm not gonna lie I didn't even bother watching the second group date and end of last weeks episode. That date sounded incredibly stupid followed by just more selfish ridiculousness from these trash bag vacation whores that ABC cast. Clint what a massive disappointment. He was just starting to grow on me and it turns out he's just there for the free time off. I honestly think the whole JJ thing is just staged for noteriety to try to get a couple extra weeks out of his free vaca. 

Gross. Everyone's gross. Except Ben Z. Maybe a couple others but honestly I'm not sure I trust anyone anyone more. 

Tonight I'm drinking: 

Fruity and refreshing. I'm pretty sure the half bottle I have left from last night isn't going to cut it. Second hour may have a new wine of choice. Tonight's yoga pants are an adorable heathered bright blue pair- my first foyer into "exciting" leggings. I've got two new pairs from American eagle that I got on sale coming in the mail. I'm pretty stoked for next week for basically that reason alone. 

Also I'm not picking words tonight because Buzzfeed did all the work for me- thanks Clarisse and Amanda for letting me know about this gem!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/we-made-a-drinking-game-for-the-bachelorette-youre-welcome#.je5WDK2PP

OooooooK here we go! 

Kaitlyn is stalking around outside voiceovering about Clints douechy ness interspersed with him talking about how confident he is. 

Who the Eff is Corey?! Thanks for your thoughts dude. 

She pulls Clint aside... And he talks about JJ. She's stuck yet again with a guy fighting her about staying (but who isn't really into her) This is becoming a theme and I feel bad for her. They picked a really crappy group of guys for her even if they seed great at first brush. Selfish selfish selfish selfish. I love that when she's done she done though. She's not gonna waste her time when it's already having issues and it's only been 3 weeks. 

Hahahaha oh my gosh this JJ / Clint drama is so ridiculous. From saying he will defend him to the end to telling him to appogize in front of everyone is suuuuch a grab for more camera time. The show down in the hall way more camera time. Ughhhh can we go back to cuddling on couch with Ben Z? Like for real. And now JJ's crying? I can't even with this shit. Slapping himself? I'm currently chuuuuuugging my wine. That next bottles gonna be open by the next commercial at this rate. I hate this season.

Haha I'm in no way attracted to Jared but I love this "JJ and Clint's break up is the most dramatic in Bachelorette history" 

I'm glad she's not in sequins for once. She has some nice bedazzling but that's it. 

So no rose ceremony thank goodness. Let's get on to THIS weeks dates shall we? We are off to NYC! 

Ugh... And the first appearance of Nick Viall. I hated this guy on Andi's season and I'm pretty confident he's going to be the complete undoing of Kaitlyn's. So we are I'm for another angst filled episode. Great. 

Hey guys "New York is definitely some place" Ben Z can see himself falling in love. Shocker. We are going on a group date "keeping our love fresh". I'm liking kaitlyns NYC style that's for sure. In classic Kaitlyn form... They are rapping. Kill me. Doug E Fresh is there to guide them. Bring back Amy Shumer. Shawn just looks confused. He's a country music guy which actually kinda pleasantly surprises me I got more of an indie vibe off of him. I mean either would be fine.

Can we talk about Justin's weird hair for a second? The center part was like straight our of My So Called Life, now there's like a weird flip? Gross. 

JJ listens to broadway show tunes. Seriously where did they find this guy. Ummm so nick is hanging out with Sharleen at the back of the crowd? 

Ben Z is terrible, I want to make love to him in the sweater. Mommy like. 

Well hey there Corey! Where the actual fuck did he come from?! The most like unexpected guy to actually kill it for sure being a straight laced white buy banker.

And we have the entrance if nick. I'm not sure what kardashley brings to this situation. Sharleen and her hot fiancé live in NYC so that makes sense a little. No one (I'm pretty sure including Kaitlyn) liked kardashley. 

So yet again some random selfish guy is taking Kaitlyn away from the good decent guys that are there to get to know her. Theme for the season everyone drink. So now they are wasting their group time where they get to actually know eachother talking about Nick. What a waste. Totally fair that it's making the guys question the point. If she's so into Nick that she's gonna bring him on why waste their time. She sees him for the second time in person EVER and they already have that intimate boyfriend girlfriend contact thing going. You know that just like lean into eachother thing. This will only go down hill from here. 

And they start making out. I have to say in Kaitlyns defense- it was very possible that after night 1 she coulda been out on her ass. Britt coulda been the bachelorette. So whatev. I just wish it were someone less skeezy. Tanner is right we all know the same stuff. He's a doueche. 

Jared gets the one on one date. He seems like a genuine guy but he does the least for my lady parts. Rodent looking restaurant manager is just not for me. 

Justin gets the rose for basically saying he's ok with her bringing on another dude. So he'll be gone by next week. 

Sumo wrestlers.... And my current #1 crush

Ugh that moment you remember we still haven't had the rose ceremony yet. Whhhhhyyyy are we still going over this LL COOL J crap. Over it let's move on.

Tonight I'm drinking:

It's a little Jammier than I would like but still tasty!

So let's get this show on the road!! Eager to see who will be leaving us this week. Really hoping Tony goes but they will probably keep him at least one more week to see what kinda weird shit he'll say.

And the roses go to:

(Ben, Clint, & JJ already have roses)

Jared (got punched out on the date)

Ben H

Shawn

Jonathan

Tanner

Chris (dentist and a favorite)

Ryan 

Justin

Ian

Joshua (cutie welder)

Country Joe

Some dude (I was too wrapped up in Tonys annoying diatribe)

Daaaaaamn it. Tony stays for another week. Blah

Daniel- call me you cute little JGL look alike

And the gimmicks continue. Sumo wrestlers ride up to the house on bikes and wake everyone up with gongs. JJ just stop talking. I don't know if I'm gonna make it through this episode between Tony and JJ. 

Booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere!!! Country Joes balls are hangin out and I'm loving him more and more. Chris is darling as always. The sumo wrestler giggling at Tony is the best thing ever. Man this guy is annoying. Juuuuust stop. I've never seen such a bitchy group of guys this is what happens when you give the guys the power at the beginning they think they get to have their way throughout. I've never heard guys whine about the dates so much. She is having to bend over backwards for all of them it's ridiculous. I feel like so many of them could care less who she is and are just worried about being there to have the experience and show who they are blah blah blah...."I have so many sides.., whhhaaaa"

Well Tony wussed out but the rest of the dudes show up to city walk for their competition. Kaitlyn plays around with one of the sumo's and he lets her win. In the first round- JJ vs Joe. Country joe smashes JJ. In the next round Clint takes down.... Everyone... So we are seeing a spicier side of Clint.

Oh lord Tony is continuing to rattle on. He's "done". He wants to go to the zoo. He's packing his bags!!! Yippee!!!!!! But ofcourse he has to go "explain himself" Jesus can this poor girl get ONE DATE without someone pulling some selfish bull shit?! What a waste of everyone's time including mine. Thankfully his exit is brief and before the guys got there. 

Ew and now Clint is losing points wanting her to come to him "if she's really into me she'll want to get to know me". Again I have to say JJ has a point make the most if every oppurtunity and get in there!  She's the ultimate catch that you are all chasing. She's not going to be chasing any of you. 

Shawn is a cutie he's still on the good list for sure hope that stays the same. 

This episode is just taking me on a bizzzzzzarre twist and turns of who is up and who is down. Clint was on the rose now apparently he's in love with JJ?

So excited for Ben Z to be the one on one date!!!!! Let's hope he lives up to the expectations he's set so far! "Relationships take trust and communication" oh man this is going to be an intense one!! I don't know if I'd enjoy something like this or not. Trapped in a room of scary stuff trying to work your way out? I don't even like scary movies. 

So Kaitlyn is afraid if birds. Jeez bachelor producers are ass holes. For 45 min they encounter every scary gross thing you can think of. Of course the code is roses.... And they make out alive just in the nic of time! While I don't like scary at all I do have to say the probl solving and team work aspect of that date were actually really legit. Ben totally rose to the occasion and they worked really well together. He is definitely getting the most intimate date so far, a lot of good time to get to know eachother. Man I wanna make out with him! And cuddle on the couch and drink wine and eat pizza and watch movies. ::sigh::

Hour 2- everyone loves a comedian.....

First of all Amy Shumar is my spirit animal and I love that she's Into this. I love that she goes straight for trying for the cast offs... "So we're sisters now... If I hook up with like 2 of the guys are you mad at it?" After a fun little chit chat the guys join and pretend to be stoked about Amy.

In Amy's words "this is going to be an absolute massacre". She's joined by her girl squad to mentor the group. I love the dentist he's adorable. JJ is just continuing to do everything he can to be a douche, at first he seems like it might be ok I actually really liked pretending to hit on chicks with "hi I'm JJ I'm divorced with a kid and live with my parents" like I would find that endearing in a stand up routine. Then he goes full Kelsey Poe and starts describing how he's just too smart for everyone to get his humor.... "I wanna make you feel better- you're not", Amy for the win. "Maybe when he sees the show he'll reflect on himself and not be such a turd" oh Amy if only. It's pretty clear he's accomplishing his goals BY being a turd.

Amy kicks off the performance part of the night and poor Ian is up first. He does pretty well for the one joke we get to see. As does the welder. I am even more in love with Chris the dentist after his set he's soooo dorky and cute!!! Loved the unbuttoning his shirt thing! 

And then up came Tooooony.... Who is giving a sermon apparently? Telling his testimony? Converting us all to tonyism? Soooooo awwwwkward... And JJ continues his one on ones of d-bagginess. But sadly we don't get to see his set beyond him making fun of Tony's.

This is somehow THE BEST DATE KAITLYNS EVER HAD... *sorry to the two dates she went on earlier this week

Ok seriously did the shows costume designer just RAID every store in the mall with sequined ball gowns good gracious this poor girls inner arms must just be wrecked! 

The welder is growing on me in his little one on one time he's a cutie!

JJ eggs on Tony to sound more and more like a nut. I'm already bored with both of them. The combination lock thing was about the end of the rope for me.

Meanwhile back at the house, the guys are clearly already losing it in a house with no tv or internet and have sunken to entertaining themselves with tricking the less bright of the group into thinking there's someone at the door over and over.

The only thing I can say for JJ is that whole he is an obnoxious cocky ass hole I do think he's genuinely there for the "right reasons" he's just a dick about it.

Country Joe is pretty cute too he's growing on me a bit I'd like to know more.

JJ gets the date rose.... Cause he needs that obnoxious boost of confidence... We will see how much he now plays the daughter card to get ahead.

In a classic form of Bach editing they make it appear that K is possibly going to tell off JJ.... But let's see what reeeeeally goes down... *spoiler it's all cut together and she's not talking to him*

Ben continuing to be wonderful leads everyone to plan to let the guys that didn't see her get some time. Cause he's a genuine sweetheart and mature. Un shockingly JJ blows that off and grabs her before anyone else gets a chance. Guys He's not here to make friends! So annoying. LL COOL J is NOT having it though he's gonna let him know everything he did wrong. TESTASTERONE!!!!

While Ian isn't really my type I feel like he's definitely doing everything right. He's super into her, humble, making an effort. He has such kind eyes. He tells his "story" but again like Ben I don't think he's trying to get "points" I think he just really wants her to know who he is.

Well here we go LL COOL J & Tony are starting to spiral. Clint grows on me with his ITM's. Still waters might run deep with that one he seemed boring as heck on his date but he's clearly very aware and he is handsome, good job, steady. Who knows if that's really what she's looking for but I get a good vibe from him now in general.

I don't have a huge desire to break down LL COOL J's episode so I'm just gonna say A) annoying that he makes it about race... Granted I will always give the show crap about how they handle the variety of ethnicities but come on man. B) I have totally been there when I've dated someone a little bit and they are a little too intense and you have one of these conversations where it's like.... We shouldn't already be struggling like this... C) gotta love how my girl handles it. Takes charge doesn't waste her own time or his, and is over it. Not shockingly he loses his S.

I'm not quite sure what to make of the Brady Britt thing.....they've apparently been hanging out for a week wearing the same outfits? They're boyfriend and girlfriend? Super. Are we gonna have to check on them every week? Probably..., just please god let her not come back as Kaitlyn's confidente now they she's happily shacked up. Barf.

Alright ready for 2 more hours tonight who's with me!