Soooo can we just go straight to Ben Z being the Bachelor??

I missed watching last night what with it being a holiday and my desire to be convinced to watch sporting events at bars (go Warriors?) so I'm watching it tonight!!! I may have read a recap or two today so I'm ready!!!

Tonight I'm drinking: 

St Suprey Dollar hide Sav Blanc. Bold tropical fruit flavors are pairing great with my roasted coconut chips. Yum. I didn't pick drinking words tonight. It's more fun when I know more of you can drink along 

Digging Kaitlyns hair color. Not loving this god awful predictable script they just forced her to read while pretending to rise and shine in full make up.

Harrison's got K in the hot seat going over the basics again. Feelings.... Kissing dudes... Britt... The whole dream of proposal.... Blah blah blah.

We are still talking about who voted for who... And drinking mimosas in their PJ's. Cute. 

And we catch up with Britt, she's wearing a bunch of plastic bracelets and converse and calling her mom. But guys she has a shocking amount of peace about it, which I'm sure has nothing to do with Brady being right outside her door. "This could be the start of something really great".... Ooooofcourse 

Date cards here we go! Damn Ben Z is so freaking cute. Love the fake enthusiasm as each name is called. JJ is continuing to work his pompous ass angle. 

It's like hurting my soul to listen to Kaitlyn have to spout these ridiculous platitudes. "Who will protect me who will fight for me". Barf. Oh dear, poor Laila Ali, "boxing is a lot like relationships...." 

Ben H is pretty cute too. Poor Kaitlyn looks ridiculous in those shorts. Oww foreshadowing..... Cooper (aka LL Cool J, I will not call him by his name anymore) is spending too much time training and not trying to talk to K. Quick question.... Did we learn NOTHING from Ames getting knocked the F out 

in Ashley's season?? Do not have a bunch of competitive testosterone heads FIGHT EACH OTHER! Ugh bachelor you have a short memory clearly... 

Thankfully they ping through the rounds pretty quickly. Ummm is it just me or was Ben Z's job title something related to fitness in the opener and now it's "Entrepreneur". Whatever he's still my favorite. Kaitlyn looks bored as hell but I think it's supposed to be her "I'm worried" face... Jared is down... (Again clearly nothing learned. RIP Ames... Or on bachelor pad. Or whatever. Cleavland maybe?) well the good news is Jared is walking away. He's got a headache but don't worry he's fine guys!!! The paramedic is on it though! Jared is on his way to hospital. 

Jesus Ben is so darn adorable. I want him to be the Bachelor so bad it hurts. Authentically well timed life story. Doesn't seem like it's a play just telling about who he is. 

I don't know who white pants guy is but he's pretty cute as well. But his time is cut short! By a note! "Come outside I need to see you right now!" .... Oh thank god it's Jared. Aaaand he goes for the kiss! It actually looks like a pretty good one even though I can't say I'm particularly into him.

Ugh JJ. What a goob. Just stop. No one likes the cocky guy. 

Ooooohhhh our guy gets the first impression rose!!! Yea buddy! I see him going far, preferably to the third runner up so he can be the bachelor ;)

Clint is on the one on one date, thus far no real feelings about him. Cute I guess? I hate photo shoot dates. Bach crew loooooves them. Oh good another bullshot job title! "Conceptual underwater photographer" COME.ON. They love putting K in sparkles that's for sure. What I really want to know is where is Jimmy Kimmel?!?! K totally hit it off with him on her one on one back on Chris' season he should definitely be her spirit guide this season. 

Oh Tony.... Someone's listened to WAY too many 80's love self help tapes. 

Clints eyes look scary as heck underwater. OH MY HELL WHAT IS THAT THING ON HIS NECK?!?!? Good god don't they have a dermatologist on staff? That sucker is terrifying. Gross gross gross. But I guess the pictures are pretty. They should have tried to recreate the DiCaprio Danes R&J underwater kiss. Iconic. 

Alright date card #3. Tony is still spouting random hippie dippy shit. Kaitlyn is "looking for a man who will stand up for me" JJ continues to try to out douche himself. 

Clint seems boring as F. "You're great" "no you're great" "cool" "cool" 

Tony Tony Tony.... Just waiting for the moment that he calls her Britt to her face.

Well that's the end of hour one!! Can't wait to see how the second group date goes!

The Reveal

I'll be honest.... I read the spoilers. Typically Reality Steve since he's pretty comprehensive, also with social media the way it is these days it's pretty hard to keep a secret. So yes I knew that (THANK GOD) the Bachelorette is Kaitlyn.  I have to ponder if I could have truly stuck to my guns if it had been Britt and not watched ('cause she drives me bonkers...) buuuuut- isn't the cast driving us bonkers half of why we watch?! I probably still would have- hate to love it, love to hate it and all.

Tonight this is what I'm drinking

It only seemed appropriate, my amazing godmother gave it to me for my bday can't wait to try it out!

Drinking words tonight: rose, bachelorette, Kaitlyn. Gonna keep it simple it's only an hour and I have the Dancing With the Stars finale to stay up for after!

 But let's talk about the reveal as produced:

#1 question- I wonder how late into the night they waited till they announced... Typically the first rose ceremony happens around 3am for maximum tension/exhaustion/drunkeness/drama.

#2 kinda classy that they let Harrison let Britt down one on one vs doing a crazy reveal in front of the crowd. But also kinda.... Like what's the point.... Isn't it supposed to be uber dramatic?! That was like... Waaaay anticlimactic being that they made us wait a night.

Britt's handling it as well as can be expected. I'm feeling bad for her what a huge waste of time and energy. 

Nice burying the lead Harrison "unfortunately..... We had to send Britt home". Kaitlyn seems gracious asking how Britt is. Also is completely thrown by having to do a rose ceremony tonight (the moment where I would immediately request to run tape to see who voted for me and who didn't... I mean c'mon!)

I literally can't remember anyone from last night except the dentist and the San Jose guy.... And LL Cool J... Who I never really knew in the first place 

I'm pretty into that welded rose not gonna lie...

Jesus seriously what time is it why do we have time for a first impression rose. Harrison isn't getting any younger does anyone else picture him in his own oxygen chamber with those under eye de-puffer crescent stick on things in between takes just waiting till he has to go out? Regardless I'm proud that other than wasted Ryan M (who according to today's media gossip is Nikki Ferrell's ex... Which makes me think she needs some serious therapy/ has a major thing for misogynist jerks) 

Being honest about voting for Britt- easiest way to send yourself home....

Ugh JJ... Everything about you makes me uncomfortable. Stop trying so hard to sound smart... (Expecting a Kelsey Poe "I'm smarter than you!" Declaration at some point this season)

Soooo the single dad count is at 3 correct?

I'm ABOUT the dentist! That cupcake car was dumb but he's damn cute and made the moooooove! 

Sean gets the first impression rose, he's totally my type so I can say I'm mad at it! Her ITM about the kiss... Makes me feel bad for the dentist who she also just kissed though .... 😒 (no slut shaming here you get yours girl! More that she felt like it was her first kiss ever... But it wasn't even her first kiss that night sad for him)

Alright Rose Ceremony time!! (Drinkdrinkdrinkdrink) everyone is very worried that they voted for Britt and also bummed that they no longer have the deciding power

roses go to:

Chris (the dentist)

Ben H (not SJ Ben)

JJ (annoying finance single dad)

Country Joe

Koupa (LL Cool J)

Daniel (cute... No clue)

Ryan B

Joshua

Tony (the healer... Go home, you like Britt)

...... Brady is twitchy, looks like he's on drugs (I don't think he is) pulls Kaitlyn out....

Brady is going home for Britt! Not gonna lie being that he seemed like he was 100% hoping to get a record deal I am SHOCKED that he self eliminated night 1. Props to him he's cute he totally coulda hung in there to get a couple songs out. He was there for, dare I say it, the Right Reasons!

BTW ITS DAY LIGHT. Sooo 5:30 am I'm thinking?

God damn why is Ben Z so cute and how have none of my SJ ladies swooped on that yet?!?! Failure FAILURE! 

Back to the roses....

I missed one...

Jonathan (all about Britt)

Corey

Ben Z (yeeaaaa home town cutie)

Tanner

Ian (finally... Poor guy...)

Justin

Final rose goes to..... Jared (the guy who admitted to voting for Britt)

I don't know who the guy in the blue jacket that didn't get a rose is but ... Umm... Call me? (Bradley apparently)

And it's full on morning 7am at the earliest. I would be falling asleep standing.

Oh thank god AMY F-ING SHUMAR I'm sure she's there to promote her new romcom and I'm all for it! 

OH.HELL.NO. Noooooot this douche bag #IhateNickViall 

WOW pulling the veil off the bachelors weirdness about sex... This is gonna be real interesting (aaaand let the slut shaming begin.... Very very worried...) 

Also we see how they are gonna tie in the Britt storyline... By giving her one dude for her very own.

Stay tuned folks it's gonna be THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER 

Night 1- Hour 2......Mooooooore booooys

The tension is rising.... Britt's early confidence is cracking, Kaitlyn is on the rise!


Of course creepy Tony is into Britt... They can hang out and not shower together. Oh wait.... same line for both?? Awwwwwwkward....


And we have our house drunk! Oh Ryan M thank you for providing the entertainment for the night. "I'm all horned up right now!"


Genuinely- how do I rent a hot tub car. I want to drive it around Golden Gate Park for my next Bday


The cupcake on the other hand.... if he weren't so cute there's no way he could have pulled that off (See- the guy in the Knight suit on Desiree's season)


Pretty sure neither Britt nor Kaitlyn are down to be sister wives


Ian for the steal! I like his intention.


Kaitlyn does have a great point... whoever wins tonight is gonna eliminate 6 guys right off the bat... start passing out those digits!


Also a good point from the guys side of the strategy- Do you choose the one you like the most or do you choose the one who likes you the most?


"It's all fun and games till Chris Harrison walks in the room"


Ugh I just would not be able to do it... having time after the voting was open to have to campaign for myself would be way too much....


This 2 bachelorette thing is really breaking the third wall all over the place.. if I see one more camera person or producer I swear......


Ohhhhh Ryan M.... Keeping the drunk-ass-I-ness rolling


They keep showing this cute kind of LL Cool J type... that I recall literally NOTHING about...


Hahahha JJ "it's a gross mismanagement of her time to be spending time with Ryan, it's my civic duty to relieve her"


Tony to Ryan M " you shouldn't call them hoes...."


RIGHT REASONS!!!!!!


AAAAAAANNNNDDDD HE'S GETTING NAKED!!!! (see: Ed Swiderski BP 3)


Is it weird that I'm kind of impressed that for how clearly wasted Ryan M is he's actually shockingly keeping it together in strange douchey way..... I mean he's a huge ass hole, but I would have been puking and/or asleep like 2 hours before that lol


Something about JJ reminds of.... Kalon... or.. I dunno all the guys who are super into themselves and want to prove how smart they are...


Chris the dentist, I'm feeling good about you.


Seriously I'm just gonna refer to this guy as LL Cool J if he stays on the season WHO ARE YOU


Mmmmm... Sean I'm feeling it. Cutie pie


The amount Britt bugs me is next level..... Her need to be whatever kind of girl every guy would want makes me nuts WHO ARE YOU REALLY


The body guard in the leather Kanglo cap... cause this is real important. What they should have done is have am EY Auditor count those votes like a REAL AWARDS SHOW


I would 100% be spending this time waiting giving out my cell to any guys I really liked #hitmeonInsta !!!


Here we go THE MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY


Ugh..... and now we have to wait till tomorrow.....

Night 1 hour 1- The intros (bring on the boys!!!)

TONIGHT ON THE DRAMATIC SEASON PREMIERE! Who's ready for the what will no doubt be- the MOST dramatic season EVER!


It's going to be "fascinating" to see how this ends up playing out.... I'm not sure how this gimmick makes it past night one, but I feel like what a waste of time to kick it off like this without somehow tying it back in later.


Here we are back at the mansion, is it just me or are the roses in the front yard going full Disney status tonight?


Alright- Kaitlyn's background from the Bachelor. She's fun! She's sassy! She's inappropriate! She let her guard down!


Britt- sincere! Emotional! She fell in love with Chris on the first night! She shocked the girls with her intensity


Running 2 nights both back to back with Dancing With the Stars is really going to take a lot of emotional energy out of me. Thank god its a holiday weekend coming up for recovery purposes.


Ugh I am being constantly reminded as they drive up how much I can't stand Britt. #teamKaitlyn


Jonathan- single dad from Detroit in the Auto industry.


Country Joe- Posing seductively by buildings, walking around with horses, good old fashioned values... and something weird happening between his eyebrows


Josh- the law student with a secret, he's a Stripper! kill me..... also wowzers on the Tats


Brady- anyone having Wes flashbacks? can't wait till the song writing date.... that will have to happen if he sticks around so he can show off (he's tooooootally not hoping to get a record deal out of this guys, he's definitely here for the "right reasons")


Joshua- Another fricken country boy?! Hi we did this already we don't need another farm boy from no where. also the welder saying sparks are gonna fly? ugh


Ian- well he has the best job so far, exec recruiter. Ohhhh bring on the tragic story! Car crash, coma, broken dreams.... le sigh. But alas he runs again!


Jared- I get like a poor man's Adam Driver thing about his look. Loveman.... just. no.


Tony- and we have our first real weirdo, he could be a massage therapist... yogi... nope "healer". Too bad cause he's pretty cute but I just can't take him seriously


Ben- well HELLO SAN JOSE BOY!!!! home town cutie wassup?? AW and sad mom story. I wanna snuggle with him.


whew! that was a big chunk of intros... I'm ready to roll out those limo's and get the real show underway.


Well step one that they got right-taking away Britt's Wet N Wild lip stick. Fake as ever regardless. Toeing the party line on how "organic" this makes it. You can tell it's taking everything in Kaitlyn not to snark it up moment 1. Also loooooooving her dress (but I bet the insides of her arms are gonna be scratched the hell up by the end of the night)


Ben H- hmmm walks to Kaitlyn first BUT has the connection to Britt


Jonathan (single dad from Detroit) goes right for Britt


Clint- cute.... kinda vanilla


Disney Princess? really?? That was Ashley I.....


I feel like the intro's are getting muddled with this duel sided thing....


God Britt with the hugs Staaaahhhhhhppppppp  I know they edit this stuff to make it look a certain way but she just comes off so... annoyingly.... ugh


Cory- well I don't know anything about him but looks wise, yummy!


JJ- ...... former investment banker.... currently, unemployed? But I'm all about the Puck you joke!


Oh jeez.... no just no with the stripper moves. I am so grossed out by him


Bwahahahaha "is that soap or tissues?" Kaitlyn with the quick reminder that Britt doesn't shower


All's fair in love and war Britt, there are no rules!


So we are at the midway point..... can't say I'm super excited about anyone yet except maybe Ben from San Jose, Do you all have an early favorite?

The Bachelorette season premiere is here!

Heeeeeere we go!!! In an effort to keep Facebook friends who don't like live commentary on the Bachelor franchise and in effort not to spoil the show off my friends who do- welcome to Wine, Bachelor, yoga pants!! 

Tonight I'm drinking a favorite- Talbott Pinot Noir, I've got on my fanciest lavender and green water color yoga pants and I'm ready to rock and roll.

Tonight's drinking words are- Right Reasons, Rose, Team Kaitlyn, Team Britt, & ....something to be chosen once I can get the vibe of the episode.

Hope you all join me in watching and commenting!!!

 

Love to hate it... Hate to love it... #bachelorette